I have always been aware of the power of my emotions, springing me into thought or action accompanied by a stirring in my belly or chest. It wasn’t until very recently that I noticed one emotion, stronger than the rest, rising up in the majority of situations - guilt.
It didn’t take long for me to see the pattern emerging…I made a decision, any decision, and almost immediately, I could feel guilt's weight, fueled by insecurities and self doubt.
With the awareness of guilt’s presence in my life, I realized that if I did not work to understand this constraint, I would never live with an abundance of love and acceptance.
Digging deeper it became extremely apparent that guilt is the costume worn by my fears of not being enough. By identifying what my guilt was motivating me to do, I found a fundamental fear of being less than.
As I began to examine this fear, I was shocked at its presence in my relationships. I was so afraid that someone would think badly of me that I would agree and cater to their needs ignoring my own. Guilt was my great motivator. Each time I made a decision fueled by guilt, I pushed myself and my needs aside, reinforcing the very fear that I wasn’t good enough.
Knowing that these fears could not be healed by external acknowledgements I have been working to find space between the emotion and my actions…
I say hello, acknowledging the visit, and take a deep breath as I consciously release tension from my body. I then ask myself to imagine the situation without the emotion, determine the decision I want to make while being true and loving to myself. Another deep breath, and release, another moment of acceptance and love.
student of life, practicioner & teacher of yoga